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We are social beings. Whether you are introverted or extroverted, the loss of random social connections in the office was one of the biggest changes when the pandemic brought an almost instantaneous increase in working from home. If we don’t stay committed to building our work relationships, we risk jeopardizing trust and weakening the collaboration bonds in our network.
How much time did we spend in the office building relationships? A recent study put a number to it. Almost 20 % of our time in the office on a normal day was spent socializing, making connections, and building relationships. That unplanned chat while passing someone’s workspace or that hallway conversation time all adds up. I’m not saying that we should spend 20% of our virtual and hybrid time working on our social connections. What I think is important to recognize is that we, possibly subconsciously, spent time building relationships. The problem is that relationship time hasn’t been replicated in our virtual or in some instances hybrid schedules.
The question is: How do we incorporate time for relationship building into our virtual and hybrid workplaces? When we were mostly in the office, things happened organically! You saw someone and you had a conversation. Easy. Unfortunately, nothing is organic and simple in the virtual world. Everything in the virtual world must be intentional.
Here are 3 intentional actions that you can begin to incorporate in your weekly activities today to both maintain and build your relationships and your network.
1. Connect to their Humanity: Many cultures already do this and it’s something that we need to incorporate in our virtual communications. Start any virtual meetings with some small talk or personal connection. This could be as simple as asking about their weekend or what they are working on. To connect to someone’s humanity, you must be observant and inquisitive. You have to care abou
t what they say. If you aren’t this type of person naturally, you’ll need to fake it until you make it. Imagine you would need to introduce this person to a group, what would you need to know about them? What do you know about where they live or what’s happening in their part of the world. Anything they mention is fair game to discuss. If they talk about family, ask a question. If they talk about a hobby, ask a question. People love to talk about themselves. In many cultures it’s considered rude to jump right to business before making a personal connection. Making a personal connection virtually is critical, especially if you will never meet this colleague in person. Understanding the context around a virtual colleague helps paint a broader picture of who they are and creates a closer bond. I’ve always found that if I open up first, you give the other person permission to open themselves to you.
2. Just pick up the phone: Since the start of the working virtually push, virtual platforms have been where we talk to
others. The old conference calls (phone only) have been moved to the virtual platform, sometimes without any expectation of sharing webcam video. While virtual platform meetings have their place, all communication doesn’t require a link and a webcam. Remember the phone? Somehow, simple phone conversations seem more authentic and less staged than a conversation on a virtual platform.
Relationship tip: I recommend picking up the phone and calling one (different) colleague in your network every week to check on them and see how they are doing. These conversations don’t have to be work related. They can be informally scheduled check in conversations to see how someone is doing or to see how they are adjusting. Offer your help such as being a resource or removing and obstacle. These are human to human conversations. Remember, relationships are two-way. If you offer help, it’s a great place to start.
3. Share your opinions and feedback: Always let people know where you stand. Don’t let others assume or guess what you are thinking. It’s so easy to be silent in a virtual meeting. Instead, speak up for yourself and openly share. If you don’t share your thoughts, because we are humans, others make up stories about what another person may think or feel and why. These narratives are created in the absence of information, and generally these narratives aren’t positive.
Don’t let others create your narrative! A research study, conducted by The Harvard Business Review, uncovered that virtual colleagues were 2.5 times more likely to distrust a virtual colleague than a co-located colleague. As I mentioned, when you are virtual, you have a propensity to create that negative narrative about a recent decision or why a mistake was made or why something didn’t happen as scheduled. As if this isn’t bad enough, virtual teammates took five to ten times longer to address the situation.
In the virtual environment, it’s important to verbalize your thinking and create your own narrative. By doing this you can become that “go to person” or that subject matter expert. When sharing your ideas, “assume positive intent” of others in the meeting. This means that you believe the best of people and that their first inclination isn’t to doubt you. This will help you be more open and confident in sharing when expressing your thoughts.
Start today and learn more about a colleague with small talk, pick up the phone for an informal conversation, verbalize your thinking in meetings. These powerful actions will help nurture your work relationships and strengthen your network.
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